The Wise World of Women

As a kid I often found girls more interesting to play with. Boys were more fun to play sports with, but when it came to their habits of picking fights, and treating others harshly I much preferred the habits of girls. I liked singing, dancing, the smell of spring flowers, and the color of autumn leaves.

I liked many of the games girls played, because everybody seemed to be included, and it wasn’t about who won or lost. (I must admit that changing dresses on the dolly got old after the first couple of times, however). There was a way of being inclusive that was far less often practiced among my male acquaintances and relatives.

(Sometimes the guys would call me a “Faggit” (sic), and though I didn’t really know what that was, I knew they were intending it as an insult).

Girls, of course, grew up to be mothers, and the boys to be soldiers, firemen, lawyers, and surgeons. The spirit of inclusiveness that girls were learning in the games that were provided them, the behaviors that were socially sanctioned were excellent preparation for the endless patience, loving, and willingness to nurture that would be required to provide the proper physical, emotional, mental, and social environment for an infant. The patience, dedication, and loving kindness that seem part and parcel of so many women is far less common in males.

And since the world we live in, the one that is hurtling blindly towards unthinkable catastrophe, has been created by men, it is no wonder that the values predominant in how businesses, countries and cultures treat each other are far more reflective of the themes of conflict, dominance, and abuse that form the subtext and infrastructure of boys’ games. This is unfortunate in the extreme. After all, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that unless we, as a planet of people, shift to a paradigm of inclusiveness, one that focuses on nurturing, supporting, and inspiring wholeness, respect, and Love, we are going to destroy our very way of life, if not life itself.

We all see this, but we are all in the thrall of our media and propaganda that have utilized the tools of hypnosis to convince ourselves that we are helpless in the face of “the big guys,” lacking the power to change things, and basically worthless as individuals and members of our society. We barely show up to even vote!

Someone said that men and women are simply eggs and sperm with an attitude. Men are the “go getters,” involved in a “zero-sum game.” Life is a race, a struggle, and the only thing that counts is to get there first – there is little thought as to what comes next. After the sperm reaches its mark, its body dies, and only a few strings of chemical molecules remains to be completely absorbed into the nucleus of the waiting ovum. Like college boys on a date, all that counts is, “Did you score?!” The worst thing is to not win, “second place is just the first loser.”

The male notion of “Winning is not everything, it is the only thing” is quite different from the female attitude of inclusiveness. Eggs don’t fight with each other. The only desire of the ovum is to take in and nurture that precious gift in the head of the sperm – then to continue to nurture the combined nuclei so that it can grow into an ever expanding family of cells and organs that soon becomes an embryo, and then an infant. This same attitude of inclusiveness now guides the adult female to protect her pregnant stomach, to endure any level of pain to give birth, then to devote herself to the selfless care of the newborn and its inclusion in the family.

Likewise, this same spirit of what I think of as the Deep Feminine nurtures the family, and is satisfied only when the family is whole and infused with peace and love.

So why is it so painful a criticism to be labeled a “sissy,” “mama’s boy,” or “wimp”? Is it not excruciatingly obvious that what we need is for the world to discover the magic that empowers this remarkable faculty and spread it throughout the land?

Instead our world punishes it, we suppress it in our women until they develop psychosomatic illness, depression, or crippling anxiety. We keep them out of the boardrooms, and except for the occasional symbolic female senator, keep them out of positions which give them power, unless they prove themselves capable of being as cutthroat as men.

Yes, this energy, although at the center of the feminine nature, can be distorted and perverted, primarily through the use of abuse and fear, and made to submit to energies as cruel, greedy, and narcissistic as those of any Hitler or Madoff.

And, of course, there are innumerable men who, through their life experience, brought forth this energy of the Deep Feminine in every bit as powerful a form. Indeed this is present in all of us. And it is present in the deep unconscious of our culture.

Alexander Pope said “the proper study of mankind is man.” Perhaps the direction we need to go in is better indicated by “the proper study of mankind is woman.” Certainly the study of man’s pursuits of competition and conflict has reached some kind of diabolical zenith in the creation of atomic weapons, terrorism, and the greed and narcissistic autism that fueled Enron, Madoff, Credit Default Swaps, and our current “Economic Armageddon.”

An old Cherokee was teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Excerpt from Our Culture On The Couch, Seven Steps to Global Healing

Remember, as in Buffy St. Marie’s song, “The orders come from far away no more – they come from me and you, and you and me . . .” (http://www.youtube.com/user/EmmettMillerMD?feature=mhw5#p/c/6BBCA7C24B0D2206/11/VGWsGyNsw00)  It is we, you and I, who are now deciding which of our primal forces we focus upon. And now, during Women’s History Month, is perhaps the best time to start. Perhaps there are some clues there as to how the desire to nurture, support, and love can survive and bring peace, healing, and collective wisdom to bear on the sorry state of our world.

Here are some suggestions for exploring some of the ways women have been able to bring this kind of wisdom into our world:

Clarissa Harlowe “Clara” Barton, a pioneer American teacher, nurse, and humanitarian.  She is best remembered for organizing the American Red Cross. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clara_Barton)

Anna Eleanor Roosevelt, First Lady of the U.S from 1933 to 1945. She supported the New Deal policies of her husband, FDR, , and became an advocate for civil rights an internationally prominent author, speaker, politician, and activist. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eleanor_Roosevelt)

Julia Ward Howe’s “Mother’s Day Proclamation” was one of the early calls to celebrate Mother’s Day in the United States. Written in 1870, it was her reaction to the carnage of the American Civil War and the Franco-Prussian War. The Proclamation was tied to Howe’s feminist belief that women had a responsibility to shape their societies at the political level. She is also, curiously, the author of the lyrics to “The Battle Hymn of the Republic. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julia_Ward_Howe )